Olympic champion Michael Phelps swims like a fish.

But exactly what's in his "fish" food?

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Fishy Phelps?

Let the record reflect that I can't swim a lick.

Oh, I can move around in the water a little bit when I'm on my back and do the little kick that tiny swim instructor taught me during a swimming class at UNC-Chapel Hill. See, you had to pass a swimming test in order to graduate back when I was in college.

So I took survival swimming in summer school. And I took that swim test -- took it multiple times, and finally passed the thing, but not before that tiny swimming instructor had to jump in -- I'm thinking more than once -- to rescue my butt.

In fact, I took a swimming class last summer at a local rec center. Still can't swim, though. Not a drop.

But I sure was rooting for Michael Phelps when he was over there splashing around in Beijing. That's one swimming dude right there! The brother set a world record nearly every time he hit the pool.

See, hard work pays off. That's all there is to it.

Well, wait, because Marion Jones said the same thing. And she ended up having to give back her medals -- three gold, two bronze -- from the 2000 Olympics for lying to the feds about using performance-enhancing drugs, as well as check fraud. She's in jail for it all, too, a six-month sentence that started in March which she has asked President Bush to lighten.

Now, I hope Jones was asking about community service and any other penalties she's facing once she gets out. According to my math, she'll be home next month. If that woman couldn't man up and do six months for what she did, then I guess homegirl really did need steroids, because she's not tough at all.

But is Phelps really so tough? Or in the days ahead will a bombshell drop that steroids turned his legs and arms into propellers and fins?

History is replete with other folks' mistakes. Yet somehow we just don't believe stuff stinks till we step in it.

At the same time, John Edwards admitting he was a whore didn't make Barack Obama one. So forget Marion Jones. Let's keep this on the high road and believe Phelps is legit with his eight gold medals in eight races -- good gracious of life!

But eight isn't enough. Not that Phelps ever has to even stick his pinkie toe in a pool or otherwise work again. Uh, do you even understand all the money that's fixing to get thrown at him?

Yet Phelps plans to dig for more gold at the 2012 Olympics. Which isn't greed. It's called being a competitor, sort of, kind of like Brett Favre leaving all that money on the table in Green Bay in order to keep playing football. The Packers reportedly were going to give Favre at least $20 million to stay retired and pull a curtain over the drama of him refusing to be a backup quarterback and instead assume the role of a grossly overpaid Packers booster.

But Favre -- he was a pain during this whole ordeal -- wanted to play, and there he was Saturday night behind center with the New York Jets showing why he's a three-time NFL MVP.

Phelps has that same fire in his belly. And I mean that literally, because word is homeboy eats 12,000 calories a day when he's training.

WARNING: Don't you dare try that at home! You don't swim, walk, jog or lift weights enough to metabolize the amount of food Phelps pounds down. You'd just end up as fat as I don't know what.

But you would be very buoyant, and perhaps -- particularly if you're aquatically challenged like some of us -- be able to swim.

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Just got back from filling my belly at Souper Salad. I normally go there with both of my daughters. My wife doesn't care for the place.

But the baby was sleeping, so it was just me and my 4-year-old -- and another woman.

Relax. Nicole Parker is my cousin. Today's her birthday, so she joined us for a bite to eat.

Now, my friend J. Hodge Jr. and his wife and two kids happened to be in the restaurant. And when J. came over to the table, I introduced Nicole as my cousin.

Everything was all good, and we all ended up in a conversation about why I'm so wrong for preferring John McCain over Barack Obama. But that's another discussion. Y'all just pray for them, OK?

What, I'm the one who needs prayer? Now, there you go.

Anyway, after leaving the restaurant, I felt the need to call J. Not for more political talk. But I felt the need to assure him that Nicole indeed was my cousin, and that there was no funny business going on.

J. said there was nothing to explain, that he took my word for it in the restaurant. He said I wasn't in Souper Salad acting weird and sneaky or anything. Bottom line, J. said, is he knows what I'm all about.

Wow! That guy gives me more credit than I deserve. I'm a sinner capable of anything just like anybody else. Yet, based on our relationship and what he's seen in me, J. said he had no reason to believe I was fooling around on my wife.

Two Scripture verses come to mind here:

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians 5:22 says, "Abstain from all appearance of evil." That's what I was trying to do. Nicole sure wasn't my wife. I wouldn't have blamed J. for assuming I was up to no good.

Yet Proverbs 27:2 says, "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth;a stranger and not your own lips." That's what J. did in trusting that I was walking what I'm always talking.

Lord, may I not violate that man's trust, or any man's trust. Amen.

Now, about Barack Obama...

QUESTION FOR YOU: Was it necessary for me to call my friend and make sure he wasn't thinking bad about me? Leave your reply below in the "add comment" section.

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ABC News is reporting that Barack Obama is having a hard time kicking his cigarette habit:

a)Does it mean the pressure of the presidential campaign is getting to him, and is that at least some small sign of his readiness for the White House?

b)Or is it no different from that whole thing of ice cream some you ate last night, and it’s just a matter of trying harder today?

*Leave your answer below in the comments section.

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When Barack Obama in a Memorial Day speech erroneously said his uncle helped liberate the Nazis’ Auschwitz concentration camp — Soviet troops, in fact, freed the camp — most folks accepted that for the campaign-weary mistake that is was.

But had that been John McCain, y’all would have lit into the man and used it as an example of him being halfway senile and unfit to serve as president of the United States.

The other day during a town-hall meeting in Bristol, Va., Obama, on stage uncharacteristically rambling and bumbling during his speech, was talking about health care when he mistakenly referred to an asthma pump as a Breathalyzer.

"I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours," Obama said.

Fair enough. But had that been McCain, there would have been news alerts at the bottom of our TV screens announcing that the Arizona senator continues to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease.

So why does the Illinois senator get a pass? Help me understand that. Is this what it comes down to because everybody’s so keen on a racial milestone?

Not that I’m apologizing for McCain. I’ve seen the YouTube thing of him flip-flopping on the issues like a fish out of water. There’s And those sound bites aren’t out of context, either. They are what they are. He said what he said — in one exchange claiming Americans are better off than they were eight years ago, but painting a bleaker picture when another interviewer raised the same question in another setting.

But with some of this other stuff, just because McCain’s about as exciting as a speaker as the monotone, slow-talking Grandma Klump reprised by Eddie Murphy in "The Nutty Professor" is no reason to just hate on the guy and discount him as damaged goods.

And for the record, Adolf Hitler was a great speaker. Louis Farrakhan can move the crowd. Not equating Obama to orators like that, but you’ll concede the point, right?

Yet appreciate the fairness of first lady Laura Bush coming to the defense of Obama’s wife for saying earlier this year that finally as an adult she’s at a point in her life where she can be proud of America.

Bush said Michelle Obama probably meant she was "more proud." And the president’s wife explained that folks on the campaign trail have to watch what they say because their words are ripe for slicing and dicing and otherwise being misconstrued.

It’s why McCain keeps getting dogged for saying American troops could be in Iraq another 100 years under his presidency. But the man was talking about simply sustaining a military presence over there like we’ve had in Japan and South Korea, not having our men and women over there blowing up stuff — and getting blown up.

But lest my words get sliced and diced, let me take the first lady’s advice and provide some clarity before you take what I’ve said and run with it:

I’m not a Republican.  Nor a Democrat. Right now I couldn’t tell you who’s gonna get my vote. I will say it’ll be a miracle if I go with Obama.

As well, I’m glad the terrorists aren’t on our backs over here in the U.S. Yet I don’t like the report I got from a young man who’s done time in Iraq and is headed back to war. He told me the media is not providing an accurate picture of just how many civilians over there are getting killed by our servicemen. The dude said he loves America, but we have no business in Iraq.

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With the average price of regular gas nationally at $4 a gallon, what’s fueling you?

While high gas is supposed to make us think twice before we crank up the car, there always seems to be a steady stream of folks at Exxons and BPs and whatnot. Granted, there are certain places we need to go. The fact that we still have the means to keep pumping this high-priced gas shows how well-off most of are despite our grumbles about being broke.

Then there’s food. High gas means the price of my beloved cereal increases. Yet I’m still crunching. And I suspect that your knees and elbows keep showing up around tables on a regular basis. Gotta eat, right? 

But what’s fueling you? What’s filling you? I hope it’s the living water, the Holy Spirit.

See, what needs to fill us is God’s word, the bread of life, the Bible.

Filling your car with high-priced gas gets you from Point A to Point B. But being filled with the spirit of God?

That, my friend, gets you to heaven.

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As we think about electing our next president, you at least have to be a little scared when considering the life of King Solomon, who, in the Bible, presided over God’s people.

Here’s a guy whose wisdom was unsurpassed, yet he was stupid enough to turn his back on God. He went from adoration of God to idolatry. God appeared to Solomon twice and warned him about this very thing. But Solomon blew it, forsaking God by multiple marriages.

Now, all of that was after there was such great hope placed in Solomon. Remember, his daddy, King David, couldn’t fulfill his heart’s desire of building the temple for God because David’s hands had shed so much blood. So God allowed Solomon to take David’s plans for the temple and build it. And even then David slips in a warning, instructing his son Solomon to serve God faithfully.

But as we saw, Solomon ended up doing just the opposite. He forsook God and, as predicted, his kingdom crumbled.

Thinking about the race for the White House that has everybody in a lather, if somebody as wise as Solomon couldn’t get it right, then aren’t we just kidding ourselves to think that whoever becomes the next president will fix this broken country? Oh, sure, Barack Obama went to law school at Harvard. But George W. Bush is a Yale guy, and a whole bunch of y’all think he’s not worth a poot.

One candidate might put a few more dollars in our pockets, save us some money on gas, while another could end up solving the health-care puzzle. But eternal life is not found in any of those things. And as Solomon blew it, surely this next president will fail us, too.

Which is a good thing, because that should point us to the one who never fails, our real president, the one for whom I hope you already have or will cast your vote, Jesus Christ.

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Uh, did anybody even think to pray for Britney Spears on Mother's Day? 

I didn't. 

But drama aside, the girl's still a mama. Here, let's bring her before the Lord right now: God, open Britney's eyes to the truth ... and, Father, keep mine propped, too, lest drama befall me.

Catch you tomorrow morning on the show: www.johnmccann.net